Sergio entered the room.
Gilbert entered the room.
Shawn entered the room.
Sergio: who wants to review some poke mans
Shawn: no one apparently
Sergio: well okay
Sergio: how about we start with why we each picked up this generation
Gilbert: GILBERT: PIG CLAN, REPRESENT
Sergio: SERGIO: uh
Sergio: otter clan?
Gilbert: REPRESENT
Sergio: yes
Shawn: pig clan?
Sergio: shawn you're ruining it
Gilbert: you are supposed to go SHAWN: SNAKE CLAN, REPRESENT
Shawn: GRASS SERPENT GODS
Sergio: close enough
Sergio: so yeah
Sergio: Gen V
Sergio: (that's five)
Sergio: supposedly the reboot for the franchise
Shawn: i dont really see how its a reboot
Sergio: well they just did that so they could be lazy with designs I think
Sergio: like oh, rattatta analogue
Gilbert: Yeah they had a lot of similar pokemon as compared to the first Gen.
Gilbert: But maybe that was the point?
Shawn: they have always been lazy with desings
Shawn: there is a pidgey in every game
Gilbert: I think these designs were better than Gen IV.
Sergio: oh man definitely
Gilbert: Which was basically Animals with Spikes
Shawn: Yay, Verily
Sergio: these were all sorts of cute
Sergio: or failing that, pretty badass
Gilbert: I just really liked that they focused most of the game on all the new pokemon they introduced.
Gilbert: Rather than mixing them all up right from the start.
Sergio: yeah, that's why it was like the "reboot"
Sergio: it's supposed to be able to stand on its own
Sergio: which was great
Sergio: in fact, now that I've beaten it and the older pokemon are encroaching
Sergio: I get a bit annoyed
Shawn: Yes, I too am annoyed by fucking dudes with level 60 magikarps
Shawn: shits retarded
Sergio: that's kind of why I picked this one up
Sergio: cause it just sorta flipped the bird to everything prior
Gilbert: Until the end game anyways
Sergio: and I was pleasantly suprised by some gameplay tweaks, a plot, and awesome new poke mans
Shawn: ya know all the new pokemon is probably what kept me playing it
Gilbert: Which yeah i also hated, because I spent all this time getting to know these new ones
Shawn: because i remember starting heart gold and kinda getting bored with it
Gilbert: And then they throw 200 old ones right at you after you finish
Sergio: yeah no explanation either
Sergio: just
Sergio: SUDDENLY
Sergio: MAGIKARPS
Gilbert: Yeah they oversaturated it in record time
Shawn: no there was a pokemon outbreak
Shawn: thats the explanation
Gilbert: I seriously ran into 10 different species in one patch of grass
Gilbert: while through the rest of the game you were lucky to find more than 3
Sergio: yeah it was like that Dustin Hoffman movie
Sergio: with the monkey
Sergio: except instead of ebola virus
Sergio: it was a pikachu
Gilbert: gotta catch that pikachu
Shawn entered the room.
Sergio: who wants to review some poke mans
Shawn: no one apparently
Sergio: well okay
Sergio: how about we start with why we each picked up this generation
Gilbert: GILBERT: PIG CLAN, REPRESENT
Sergio: SERGIO: uh
Sergio: otter clan?
Gilbert: REPRESENT
Sergio: yes
Shawn: pig clan?
Sergio: shawn you're ruining it
Gilbert: you are supposed to go SHAWN: SNAKE CLAN, REPRESENT
Shawn: GRASS SERPENT GODS
Sergio: close enough
Tepig is unimpresssed
Sergio: so yeah
Sergio: Gen V
Sergio: (that's five)
Sergio: supposedly the reboot for the franchise
Shawn: i dont really see how its a reboot
Sergio: well they just did that so they could be lazy with designs I think
Sergio: like oh, rattatta analogue
Gilbert: Yeah they had a lot of similar pokemon as compared to the first Gen.
Gilbert: But maybe that was the point?
Shawn: they have always been lazy with desings
Shawn: there is a pidgey in every game
Gilbert: I think these designs were better than Gen IV.
Sergio: oh man definitely
Gilbert: Which was basically Animals with Spikes
Shawn: Yay, Verily
Sergio: these were all sorts of cute
Sergio: or failing that, pretty badass
Gilbert: I just really liked that they focused most of the game on all the new pokemon they introduced.
Gilbert: Rather than mixing them all up right from the start.
Sergio: yeah, that's why it was like the "reboot"
Sergio: it's supposed to be able to stand on its own
Sergio: which was great
Sergio: in fact, now that I've beaten it and the older pokemon are encroaching
Sergio: I get a bit annoyed
Shawn: Yes, I too am annoyed by fucking dudes with level 60 magikarps
Shawn: shits retarded
Sergio: that's kind of why I picked this one up
Sergio: cause it just sorta flipped the bird to everything prior
Gilbert: Until the end game anyways
Sergio: and I was pleasantly suprised by some gameplay tweaks, a plot, and awesome new poke mans
Shawn: ya know all the new pokemon is probably what kept me playing it
Gilbert: Which yeah i also hated, because I spent all this time getting to know these new ones
Shawn: because i remember starting heart gold and kinda getting bored with it
Gilbert: And then they throw 200 old ones right at you after you finish
Sergio: yeah no explanation either
Sergio: just
Sergio: SUDDENLY
Sergio: MAGIKARPS
Gilbert: Yeah they oversaturated it in record time
Shawn: no there was a pokemon outbreak
Shawn: thats the explanation
Gilbert: I seriously ran into 10 different species in one patch of grass
Gilbert: while through the rest of the game you were lucky to find more than 3
Sergio: yeah it was like that Dustin Hoffman movie
Sergio: with the monkey
Sergio: except instead of ebola virus
Sergio: it was a pikachu
Gilbert: gotta catch that pikachu
Gilbert: TO PROTECT THE WORLD FROM DEVASTATION
Sergio: they also updated some of the fucking archaic mechanics
Sergio: sorta
Gilbert: like what?
Sergio: like the PCs are still dumb
Shawn: you mean the box thing?
Sergio: my god yes
Gilbert: Whats wrong with the boxes?
Sergio: why do they even have deposit/withdraw pokemon
Sergio: when move DOES EVERYTHING
Gilbert: Oh, yeah that
Shawn: ya i never really understood that either
Sergio: fucking dumb
Shawn: and move is below those two other useless options
Sergio: I KNOW
Gilbert: So if you are clickin A real fast
Gilbert: Its like ALRIGHT LETS DEPOSIT YOU SOME FUCKIN POKEMON
Gilbert: Noooo I wanted to withdraaaaw
Sergio: noooo, I just wanted an item
Shawn: can you do that?
Sergio: well sometimes I would deposit a pokemon with lucky egg
Sergio: and I'd need to grab it
Sergio: and you can just take it off them without withdrawing them
Gilbert: I never used the PC for items
Gilbert: I carried thousands of objects of various sizes in my small little girl backpack
Sergio: sorta
Gilbert: like what?
Sergio: like the PCs are still dumb
Shawn: you mean the box thing?
Sergio: my god yes
Gilbert: Whats wrong with the boxes?
Sergio: why do they even have deposit/withdraw pokemon
Sergio: when move DOES EVERYTHING
Gilbert: Oh, yeah that
Shawn: ya i never really understood that either
Sergio: fucking dumb
Shawn: and move is below those two other useless options
Sergio: I KNOW
Gilbert: So if you are clickin A real fast
Gilbert: Its like ALRIGHT LETS DEPOSIT YOU SOME FUCKIN POKEMON
Gilbert: Noooo I wanted to withdraaaaw
Sergio: noooo, I just wanted an item
Shawn: can you do that?
Sergio: well sometimes I would deposit a pokemon with lucky egg
Sergio: and I'd need to grab it
Sergio: and you can just take it off them without withdrawing them
Gilbert: I never used the PC for items
Gilbert: I carried thousands of objects of various sizes in my small little girl backpack
Also why are the boxes in Japanese?
Sergio: man were you both girls
Shawn: im happy with my decision
Shawn: as i dont have to stare at dude ass
Shawn: in every battle
Gilbert: A 10 year old dudes ass
Gilbert: thats illegal, sergio
Sergio: you see it for like three seconds
Sergio: and technically its my ass
Sergio: that is how the story is framed
Sergio: and I am comfortable with that
Shawn: ya dude
Shawn: do you wanna look at your own guy ass
Shawn: no
Shawn: you wanna look at your hot chick ass
Sergio: see now that is weird
Gilbert: I don't even know why you guys are talking about that
Gilbert: It's all about that hot pokeass
Gilbert: Starin for hours on end at the gentle curves of a fat sumo pig
Sergio: oh baby
Sergio: that is one thing about this generation
Sergio: I didn't want to fuck a single one
Shawn: me neither
Shawn: because i am not a disgusting pervert
Shawn: that wants to fuck fictional super animals
Sergio: gotta hand it to the design team
Sergio: every furry they inadvertently create is a battle lost
Gilbert: Well I think the one most likely to lead to disgusting porno is Gothitelle
Sergio: hmm
Gilbert: I'd like to think that because her first form is a baby, that everyone will distance themselves
Sergio: best I could do:
I can sexualize this if I REALLY TRY.
Gilbert: And for the ladies: Sawk
Shawn: Sawk is a total boss
Shawn: he beat two gyms and an elite four member for me, all by himself
Sergio: oh man the elite four was fucking crazy for this gen
Sergio: they have like backstories n shit
Gilbert: Do they?
Sergio: yeah man
Sergio: like apparently the Dark guy is a vampire
Sergio: who comes from a wealthy family
Sergio: that has fallen out of favor
Shawn: wait wait
Sergio: and so he has descended into gambling
Shawn: he is like a literal vampire
Gilbert: What the fuck are you talking about
Shawn: he sucks blood out of people
Gilbert: Out of pokemon
Sergio: out of dicks
Sergio: and the ghost girl is a werewolf?
Gilbert: Is this in game?
Sergio: somewhere?
Gilbert: Well I didn't hear about any of that
Sergio: well quit mashing A homes
Gilbert: I read EVERYTHING
Gilbert: and talked to NUMEROUS FOLKS
Shawn: thats probably cuz you were too busy raping everything with Krookodile
Gilbert: Maybe
See? It's Canon.
Sergio: I never really had a rape everything pokemon
Shawn: i never really used my monkey that much, despite having him the whole game
Gilbert: I did like how they give them to you though
Gilbert: To cover up your weaknesses early on
Shawn: I actually fought the first gym leader before i got my monkey
Shawn: i didnt know that was over in that direction
Shawn: i just kinda wandered into the gym
Sergio: like they really went out of their way to teach you types
Shawn: ya and then those gym leaders never did shit again
Gilbert: When I first saw them I thought it was gonna be a sweet triple battle
Shawn: remember at the end when all the other ones are fighting team plasma
Shawn: wheres the 3 first gym gym leaders
Shawn: fucking nowhere
Gilbert: Because they are weiners
Gilbert: The real hero of this game was N
Gilbert: That dude was a bro
Shawn: Truly
Sergio: he was pretty boss
Sergio: he has some weird plot stuff attached to him too
Sergio: like apparently he never caught pokemon
Shawn: thats bullshit
Shawn: i saw him throw them out of balls
Sergio: all his battles were pokemon from the surrounding area
Gilbert: They probably just flocked to him
Gilbert: Because he can talk to them
Sergio: like he just convinced them to fight for him
Sergio: yeah
Sergio: those balls were figurative shawn
Shawn: ya i did like that he had an entirely different team each time you fight him
Gilbert: Mixes it up, throws you off
Also maybe homosexual.
Shawn: something i loved in this game
Shawn: you didnt actually need the HMs for the main quest
Sergio: oh yeah
Gilbert: Yeah that was handy
Shawn: so i was free to keep a full team
Shawn: with no HM whore
Sergio: also
Sergio: unlimited TMs
Sergio: were the greatest idea
Shawn: yes
Gilbert: yes i agree
Shawn: i agree
Gilbert: I agree faster
Sergio: I agree with gilbert agreeing with me
Shawn: i taught my water monkey dig
Shawn: simply because i could
Shawn: and still keep the tm
Gilbert: Oh, one thing that's kind of interesting is that there are a few people scattered around the game
Gilbert: who teach pokemon special moves
Sergio: I only found one
Sergio: the guy who teaches the starter's combination moves
Gilbert: The starter move guy's move though is only effective if you use it concurrently with other starters moves
Gilbert: In like a double or triple battle
Sergio: yeah
Gilbert: Oh but speaking of triple battles, I totally accidentally skipped over an entirely new way of battling
Gilbert: I totally missed Rotation Battles completely
Sergio: Me too
Shawn: i felt that they were horribly underused
Sergio: they really were
Shawn: like i would see two dudes standing side by side
Shawn: and be aw fuck yeah double battle
Shawn: and then i would just battle them separately
Gilbert: Yeah they have double, triple, and rotation battles, and all of them added together is like 10 battles
Sergio: I think nintendo still assumes the primary audience for this stuff is ten-year-olds
Sergio: which could not be more wrong
Shawn: hey man
Shawn: ten year olds still play pokemon
Sergio: I talk to my three younger sisters and they don't even know about that shit
Sergio: but I have like seven friends here who play pokemon
Gilbert: But they dont play POKEMON
Gilbert: Wherein you manipulate EVs and IVs
Gilbert: Breedin the perfect pokemon
Shawn: ya man
Shawn: thats how you play
Shawn: we are pansies
Shawn: for not doing that
Sergio: yeah, fuck anything competitive in this game
Sergio: the thought of spending like twenty hours
Sergio: training one pokemon
Sergio: and then some dude online just sweeps my party
Sergio: yeah, fuck that
Gilbert: Thats because you play pokemon
Gilbert: and not POKEMON
Sergio: well the appeal for me doesn't lie in competition
Sergio: it lies in catching all these cute motherfuckers
Shawn: but it should
Shawn: you should strive to make those cute creatures battle to the death
Gilbert: The appeal for me lies in commanding the strength of 6 god monsters and using them to fight other god monsters to death
Shawn: purely for your amusement
Gilbert: Wherein you manipulate EVs and IVs
Gilbert: Breedin the perfect pokemon
Shawn: ya man
Shawn: thats how you play
Shawn: we are pansies
Shawn: for not doing that
Sergio: yeah, fuck anything competitive in this game
Sergio: the thought of spending like twenty hours
Sergio: training one pokemon
Sergio: and then some dude online just sweeps my party
Sergio: yeah, fuck that
Gilbert: Thats because you play pokemon
Gilbert: and not POKEMON
Sergio: well the appeal for me doesn't lie in competition
Sergio: it lies in catching all these cute motherfuckers
Shawn: but it should
Shawn: you should strive to make those cute creatures battle to the death
Gilbert: The appeal for me lies in commanding the strength of 6 god monsters and using them to fight other god monsters to death
Shawn: purely for your amusement
Adorable god monster.
Shawn: uh the story?
Sergio: oh man
Sergio: there was so much damn story
Gilbert: The villains were so stupid
Gilbert: Just the lackeys, really
Gilbert: I mean I liked N's motivations
Gilbert: and how they took advantage of that
Gilbert: But the actual members just acted like regular Team Blank fuckheads
Sergio: N was just a really cool character all around
Sergio: and I got so many gay vibes from him
Shawn: they totally did
Gilbert: N transcends gay
Gilbert: and into bestiality
Sergio: the pikachu whisperer
Gilbert: (I am saying that bestiality is the next step after homosexuality)
Shawn: FREE THE POKEMON *KICKS MUNNA*
Shawn: a totally free munna
Shawn: who didnt have a trainer
Sergio: I also figured they would have a better plan than
Sergio: tell everyone to let their pokemon go
Sergio: OR ELSE
Gilbert: Well I liked how it started out
Gilbert: like he was just preaching
Sergio: yeah, they started out almost like a cult
Gilbert: Shawn mentioned it to me before, but I liked how the Legendaries were actually used to influence the story
Gilbert: instead of just being some kind of detour
Gilbert: Like directly
Gilbert: Having the legendary was gonna be proof of their power
Sergio: there was even like a set up battle at the end
Sergio: between your legendary and N's
Sergio: which I totally lost
Shawn: I liked how you didnt get your legendary til after you beat the elite four
Gilbert: SPOILERS
Sergio: man I was under the impression that I was the last person in the world to beat the game
Sergio: I had like three people yelling at me because I was going too slow
Sergio: sorry guys, I hate grinding on pokemon that are several levels under the current boss
Sergio: sorry guys, flying pikachus are the devil
Shawn: FUCK FLYING PIKACHUS
Fuck you.
Gilbert: I only ever 'grinded' maybe once
Gilbert: Because I kept all my pokemon at the same level
Gilbert: and maintaining 6 pokemon at the same level is hard to do just off of trainers
Shawn: it is
Sergio: it is
Sergio: and I didn't want to have just one team the entire game
Sergio: I liked to mix it up
Shawn: much easier in older whens when i had a team of 3 and then 3 hm whores
Sergio: I had kind of a bad fighting weakness
Sergio: no psychic pokemon
Gilbert: Yeah I had problems with flying for a while
Gilbert: and then I got SNOWCONE
Gilbert: the best pokemon
Gilbert: (He is melting in a box now)
Sergio: just change the wallpaper to snow
Gilbert: No I put him in the box with all my third form pokemon
Sergio: what the fuck kind of system is that
Shawn: what a weird way to organize
Gilbert: No its a brilliant way to organize
Gilbert: its basically based on strength
Shawn: no gilbert
Shawn: different box for every combination
Shawn: you keep that dark/dragon box up
Shawn: even though there is only one dark/dragon
Gilbert: THREE HEADS
Gilbert: HIS HANDS ARE HEADS
Shawn: gilbert dont be silly
Shawn: why would you need hands
Shawn: when you have 3 heads
Gilbert: HE WILL NEVER KNOW THE FEEL OF ANYTHING
Gilbert: ONLY THE TASTE
Shawn: didnt that thing give you trouble too sergio?
Shawn: the 3 headed demon dragon?
Sergio: yeah that thing was such a fucking slap in the face at the end
Sergio: like I was so ready for this shit to be done
Sergio: and then ghetsis reveals that he not only has a laser eye
Sergio: but is also a tremendous pile of douche
Sergio: who hates you and everyone you've ever loved
Gilbert: He was always a douche
Shawn: ya man
Shawn: he wasnt hiding that
Gilbert: What surprised me was that he was competent
Sergio: well he was like cartoony evil before
Sergio: but then he whips out his six fuck off pokemon
Gilbert: Yeah all like 'I AM GOING TO I MEAN WE ARE GOING TO RULE THE WORLD"
A man capable of hating you to death.
Gilbert: You guys need to go to the desert ruins again
Gilbert: Wherein you will find out an ASTOUNDING SECRET about Ghetsis and N
Shawn: GASP
Sergio: they were gay loves
Shawn: IS N GHETSIS'S FATHER?
Gilbert: THE SECRET IS REVEALED!!
Shawn: i am going to assume its both of those
Shawn: because thats totally the way pokemon plot rolls
Sergio: I mean
Sergio: didn't it say they lived in the same castle
Sergio: for years?
Sergio: granted that castle was impossibly huge
Sergio: literally
Sergio: it was just too impossible
Gilbert: What the fuck was up with that castle anyways
Shawn: UNDER THE POKEMON LEAGUE
Sergio: they had spent years
Shawn: WHICH IS ATOP A MOUNTAIN
Sergio: building it under the pokemon league
Sergio: cause why
Sergio: WHO CARES
Gilbert: CASTLE OUTTA NO WHERE
Sergio: yeah I thought it was gonna be another dungeon
Sergio: and I let out the loudest groan
Shawn: Hey guys I'm N and check this bitching castle my worshippers built over years of arduous labor, BAM DRAGON THROUGH THE WALL
Gilbert: I believe my exact words were
Gilbert: what
Gilbert: the
Gilbert: fuck
Gilbert: what the fuck is this horseshit
Sergio: it really makes absolutely no sense
Sergio: I mean I guess it was dramatic
Gilbert: oh but by the way, the best part about the castle
Gilbert: were the random grunts
Sergio: oh man some of them were so sad
Gilbert: Some having doubts, some totally in with the plan
Gilbert: And one who went HEY YOU WANNA GO BACK TO THE POKEMON LEAGUE!?
Gilbert: And who then could teleport you back to the pokecenter
Gilbert: He was the best one
Sergio: well you have to expect some of the people team plasma employs to be wizards
Sergio: that's just basic probability
Shawn: but they are all dressed like knights
Shawn: for some reason
Shawn: there was not one dressed as a wizard
Sergio: wizards can dress however they damn well please
Gilbert: Knight-wizard
Shawn: no
Shawn: that is absurd
Shawn: you leave this place with that bullshit
Sergio: so what the fuck was ghetsis
Sergio: was he a sage?
Gilbert: The Chancellor
Shawn: Ghetsis was Jafar all along
SPOILER: Ghetsis was Jafar.
Sergio: on that note
Sergio: we should probably wrap this up
Shawn: one more thing sergio
Shawn: Reshiram>Zekron
Gilbert: Ha no that is just plain wrong
Gilbert: Zekrom is Chinese Electric Dragon
Sergio: haha!
Sergio: a fine point
Sergio: so anways
Sergio: the moment of truth
Sergio: zero or one guys
Gilbert: 0.5
Shawn: ya what he said
Sergio: NO FUCK YOU
Gilbert: You can add ours up to a 1
Sergio: FUCK YOU BOTH
Shawn: ok sergio
Shawn: i give it a 2
Sergio: I HATE YOU BOTH
Gilbert: -1
Shawn: .3
Gilbert: pi
Shawn: well sergio
Shawn: what do you give it?
Gilbert: -e^(i*pi)
Sergio: I give it
Sergio: drum roll
Sergio: are you ready
Shawn: no
Gilbert: no
Shawn: let me sit back
Sergio: okay
Sergio: more drum roll
Shawn: alright im situated
Sergio: for being an excellent entry point as well as a compelling entry into a well established series
Sergio: I give pokemon white (the one I played)
Sergio: A FUCKIN ZERO
Sergio: FUCK FLYING PIKACHUS
Sergio: FUCK THREE HEADED DRAGONS
Shawn: FUUUUCK FLYING PIKACHUS
Gilbert: I didn't really have any problems with Flying Pikachus
Gilbert: They died too fast to be a hindrance
Sergio: WELL THEN FUCK YOU TOO
Sergio: not really
Sergio: I dropped like 40 hours on this game
Sergio: I'm basically required to give it a one
Sergio: or acknowledge that all of it was a complete waste of time
Sergio: this shit is for toddlers, there's no way I'm bad at it
Sergio: I blame nintendo for being racist
Sergio: and making this game exclusively for asians
Shawn: I give Black a 1, and although it is pretty similar to previous ones, I feel it had some nice changes that made it more enjoyable, and its pokemon what can you really change that much, also Sergio just sucks at pokemon, that 3 headed dragon was a breeze, I just punched the shit out of him with Sawk.
Shawn: SAWK
Shawn: BEST POKEMON
Gilbert: For draining 80 hours of life and giving me a chance to experience my own version of Pokemon Red or Blue, I give it a 1
Sergio: how is it your own
Gilbert: I dunno I never straight up played Red or Blue
Sergio: whaaaaa
Gilbert: and had that new pokemon smell
Shawn: me neither
Shawn: i played yellow
Shawn: after gold
Gilbert: Yeah same here
Sergio: man why the fuck did I ask you guys to help me with a review
Gilbert: You didnt
Gilbert: I DID
Sergio: ...
Shawn: thats true
Shawn: i was there
Shawn: I seen’t it
Shawn: typed it in fact
Sergio: this review is over
Shawn: NO
Shawn: ITS NEVER OVER
Shawn: NEEEEEVVVEEERRRRR
Shawn: NEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR
Gilbert: NEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR
Sergio: man why the fuck did I ask you guys to help me with a review
Gilbert: You didnt
Gilbert: I DID
Sergio: ...
Shawn: thats true
Shawn: i was there
Shawn: I seen’t it
Shawn: typed it in fact
Sergio: this review is over
Shawn: NO
Shawn: ITS NEVER OVER
Shawn: NEEEEEVVVEEERRRRR
Shawn: NEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR
Gilbert: NEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR
Sometimes, you just hate your friends.
So I guess Pokemon Black/White got a one, a one, and a one out of three.
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