Vanquish - 1/1 (Last post of the year here I come!)

Vanquish - 1/1 - Henry Arrambide

Gears of War meets Bayonetta? I'm in.

    I love Mega Man. There’s like fiftysomething Mega Man games, right? Well, the mechanics of Mega Man are so arcadey and simple yet so open to different play styles that it just makes the game so replayable. Removed from just one game and placed into say the X series or the Zero series or some other franchise, it still works because it’s still the same great mechanics, just with new level layouts and challenges demanding your knowledge of the mechanics. DooM works in the very same manner; Final DooM and DooM 2 are very much the same mechanics in new levels. Gears of War operates on a similar level, which is why Horde is so engrossing. Tetris may be the leanest example of this idea: screw pretty paintjobs and “new” areas, levels, or some bullshit story to string you along. You’re here to stack blocks and so let’s get right to it.

Good or Blog Audio Program 14

Remember when I told you the last episode was the last episode? I lied. So welcome to Good or Blog Audio 14: I am the Wind Waker, It's Me

This is how most our conversations go anyways.

This week is special in that during the entire episode I am bleeding profusely from the mouth! That and no real news has occurred since the previous episode, making this one more of a sendoff to this semester. It plays out like  Christmas Special where I start alone, when suddenly! A knock at the door! It's my guests and they come bearing tacos! We then proceed to talk about video games and also not video games.

We talk about the VGAs, Mortal Kombat, and Grinches, and close out with some festive music. We then speed through the weekly segments talking about creepy poetry and creepy game sales, and finally cap the whole thing off with a bit of music and some thanks, we may also make a dick joke here and there. A class act through and through.

Here is the link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=6MUPF1KI

Anywho! Thank you for listening! Thank you for reading! And don't forget to join me next semester for Season 2!

Good or Blog Audio Program 13

For perhaps the last episode of the semester everyone gears up and gets ready for the last challenge, Episode 13: Finals Boss.

So here we are.

With the next week a little unclear we here at Good or Blog decide to go out with a bang and grace your ears with the greatest episode yet. We open with weekly releases from last week as well (having missed it) and talk about such hits as Golden Sun: Dark Dawn, Epic Mickey, Assassin's Creed Broho, and Need for Speed Hot Fursuit (you read that right). Ryan Reynolds is brought up and the whole show becomes sexier for it. Also I make a daring repair rescue while the other guys blather about Wikipedia or something? Pfff, NERDS.

Segment 2 has the usual suspects, free games, no deals, and our deepest philosophy question yet. Turns out, we all die! Don't miss it! (Also you can get the free game mentioned here)

For our last segment we're joined by a guest and break out the imagination box and discuss our hypothetical final boss battles and the soundtracks therein. More last minute repairs follow, and we get some pretty unique pics and I find out how unimaginative I am. CODYBLOPS STOLE MY IDEA.

Anyways, we're gonna try something new and forego Mr. Megaupload, here is a direct link: Good or Blog Audio Program 13.mp3

Good or Blog Audio Program 12

Rescued from the jaws of deletion and disappearance (for better or for worse) comes the fabled Good or Blog Lost Episode: Episode 12: Terribad!

Twelfth time's a charm.

Everyone is mad at everyone! Also this episode marks our first female guest. It only took us nearly a year! After begrudgingly discussing the new releases of the week (two weeks ago), we cover the whispers and rumors of the week in a suitably abrasive manner. Seriously, why everyone so mad?

We don't have time to find out since we jet into the weekly segments where I talk about some free to play MMOs and throw my hands up in exasperation over impending Black Friday madness. Finally we get to philosophy and everyone seems to have forgotten what a narrative is as our guest and audience collapse in on themselves similar to a burgeoning black hole. That's entertainment.

We finish the segment with another first, our first guest caller! Thanks for the support, Chris!

The last segment is the real main attraction here, a collage of terrible music and appropriately angry hosts. Seriously, you'd think this show were some kind of video game talk show reenactment of 28 Days Later given all the raging nerds in one tiny recording room. Thankfully this time we manage to avoid some choice swears, so this time you'll have to complain all the bad music.

As always, here's the download link:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=L820L9YB

Rune Factory 3 Review

Rune Factory 3 is a FarmPG for the Nintendo DS

The games that I enjoy the most seem to ask a certain quality from their audience. They have some laser targeted goal in mind that asks for a part of you in exchange for sharing itself. It's all give and take. Demons Souls asks dedication and knowledge of you, STALKER asks that you buy into some mythology and roleplay a bit, and Ninja Gaiden Black (I've said before, my idea of a perfect game) asks perfection and a honing of the right skills. Rune Factory 3 is something of an anomaly in that respect. It can ask quite a bit from you. If you're business minded, entrepreneurial, curious, eager to explore, or all of the above you can flex every muscle and succeed on a variety of levels. But... you can also take your time in life. You can pick the weeds and grass that naturally grow in your garden for a bit of money talk to some people and live socially, and basically survive on the smallest amount of effort possible.

Seriously. I'm not even fucking trying.

Game Dev Story Review

Game Dev Story is a video game for the iPhone and iPod Touch

I've noticed that iPhone/iPod games tend to fall into a few distinct categories. There are the quirky puzzle games like Picross (which I have reviewed before), and Angry Birds (a puzzle game when reduced to its fundamental parts). There are the first-person shooter attempts and dual "joystick" Robotron clones. Then there is the shovelware crap that the optimist in me attributes to good intentions and how they inevitably pave the road to hell (or poorly integrated touch interfaces).
Game Dev Story falls into none of these categories. In the time honored tradition of business management simulations like Lemonade Stand, Hemp Tycoon, and (grumble) Farmville, the game breaks few molds. It gives you a tiny independent video game development company that you name and control all aspects of. You control the upper most decisions of the company, hiring/firing employees, picking the genres, style, and console of the games that get made, and then rudimentary assigning of tasks during development. It's very simple without being too restrictive, and the standard speed moves at a satisfying clip that works as something to completely hold your attention just as well as something to fondle with absent-mindedness.

Yes, that woman is on fire. Yes that is good.

Good or Blog Audio Program 11

So this week a tiny little independent game came out called CODYBLOPS. It's pretty entertaining, and a huge chunk of this episode is dedicated to it. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to:

I'm too sexy for amateur photography.

Besides going over the weekly releases (and shovelware) we also discuss Congress's latest hearings on video games, Guillermo del Toro Lovecraftian video game announcement and the top 10 reasons (more or less) you should play the latest Call of Duty game, as well as why you should kill children.

Then, we get in touch with our cheap side and dispense some free Quake clones, as well as some (relative) Steam Stealz. Afterwards, Taylor won't shut up about realism or killing children or some junk. Whatever.

Finally we wrap up with the music segment. Taylor gets uppity, and I have to put him in his place. We close on a classy note and implore you to just drop everything and kill children.

As always, here is the link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=UJP46RCX

P.S. Does anyone else think I curse too much?
P.P.S. Kill children.

Good or Blog Audio Program 10

This week on everyone's favorite podcast we talk about well uh... how Falstad was supposed to be on the Council of Three Hammers but actually wasn't in the game at all.

Or Blizzcon for short.

Not exactly the most recent of events, but still we have a fun time talking about all this World of Warcraft and Diablo 3 business, as well as talking about how C-List celebrity Jay Mohr is one of the least funny people on the planet Earth (though he does a pretty good Christopher Walken).

Then, we talk about a free alternative to Starcraft 2 for the cash-strapped and the Linux-based, and talk about the merits of competitive gaming while Taylor feigns interest in the whole thing.

We wrap up with some pretty sweet tunes that we all picked that were actually picked by me alone. Sometimes, I scare myself with how cool I am.

So as always, here's the link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=2K4B5NZT

Good or Blog Audio Program 9

In an extraordinary display of relevance and seasonal planning, Good or Blog gets into the Halloween spirit and throws its first Good or Scare Frightening Terrorsode!

Your results may vary.

We kick this bitch off with some decidedly un-scary new releases like Fable 3, but then dive straight into Scarytown with other new release CSI: Deadly Conspiracy, and my pick for scariest game of all time Skeleton 64. Truly, you are in a for a roller coaster of emotions and self-censoring as we discuss true terror while trying to remain FCC safe.

Then, we talk about some free scary games, some excellent steam steals, and the philosophy of being scared (protip: there isn't much).

Finally, we bring this baby home with the music segment where I basically picked every song because motherfuckers be all forgetful up in this bitch. Word. To. Your. Mother.

Here's the link:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=5ORUQQLB

Also, in the background of most segments is Symphonies of the Planets, a series of recording by the NASA voyager of actual astral bodies. WHy? Because apparently the planets are fucking horrifying.

Good or Blog Audio Program 8

Teemo is my favorite.

Whoa whoa whoa. I switched co-hosts AGAIN? That's right, yet another changing of the guards takes place down at the GorB headquarters when John skips town and Taylor's parents are crazy. Instead we get Kailean and other John (a previous guest of the show) to talk about Fallout New Vegas, VANQUISH, a bit of Dead Rising 2, and an impromptu philosophical discussion about HAWX 2.

Then John takes the reins in the new segment: free game of the week by telling us about this League of Legends nonsense and how it is awesome. Then he gets cockblocked and doesn't get to talk about Poke mans. Sorry John. Maybe next time (nope).

Finally, the last segment walks in the footsteps of Patsy Cline and falls to pieces, volumes get messed up, phone calls fall through, and people yell at me on the internet as I scramble to keep just about everyone in the world to entertain. If you want to know what it sounds like when a man loses control of his destiny and considers only madness his refuge, head on over to segment 3.

As always, here is the link, don't spend it all in one place.
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=NFOH3OJ9

Good or Blog Audio Program 7

First off, another very merry birthday to Good or Blog! Last week was the 1st year anniversary of the first blog post on this humble little site, October 14th to be exact. Hard to believe it's been so long. But even harder to believe I haven't gotten bored and completely forgotten about it!

To celebrate... strippers.

In case I don't say this enough. I want to thank everyone for supporting me. Even my lazy ass friends who I have to practically shoot in the knee caps to get any sort of effort out of. Without you guys, this site would just be my bilious opinions and bad MS paint images. Also god help me if I ever have to do an Audio Program on my own. I think I will cut my own throat if it comes to that.

Speaking of which! Here's the seventh edition of our grand program! We can safely take it out of the car-seat and give it a seat of its own. Congratulations Audio Program, I am confident in your abilities to take an airbag to the face.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=HB1VW89O

This week we briefly celebrate this glorious 1st anniversary, then we talk about all those brand new games that everyone but us are playing, including Super Scribblenauts, Final Fantasy: 4 Heroes of Light, Medal of Honor, and Sonic 4: Episode 1! That's exciting. Trust me.

We also discuss the merits of nostalgia and if old games still hold up. Also something about EVE Online. I guess those guys are douche bags.

Then we tear ass through our weekly segments because I suck at Pokemon!

Finally me and Taylor unleash the secrets of our porn folders, and talk about some classy ass music. It's fun, I swear!

Spyro the Dragon

Spyro the Dragon

Spyro 2: Ripto's Rage

Spyro: Year of the Dragon

Genre: Dragon

Lands Scorched: Multitudinous

Lives Forsook: Innumerable

The night was calm, with slight, shifting breezes cooling the otherwise humid air. The quiet mood of fantastical lands was marked by the docile snores of fainted dragons, and in this quiescent setting a disaster occurred. Suddenly, without warning, the dragons were statues. Myriad scaled forms instantly petrified, all except the littlest dragon. He arose, amidst the doomed forms of his comrades, and I took control.

You must be this tall to be a statue

In a matter of seconds, everything was on fire. There were things with weapons, and I torched them.  There were scampering sheep, soon to be alighted by the boiling fires of Spyro's belly. Littered about the starting area were the statues of the dragons I was now meant to save, as soon as I finished up breathing fire on them. And an adventure began, full of harrowing environments and chaotic settings, each in turn to be traversed by me to save my fallen family.

An example of a harrowing environment and/or chaotic setting

And save them I did, though it seemed of no real consequence whether I did so or not, since not a single dragon managed to help me even after I released them from eternal torment. This most likely resulted from the bubbling jealously they harbored within, the pure abject scorn felt towards me for being their savior even with my obvious inferiority.

I will save you, though I do not want to.

Minish Cap Review

There's always going to be alternatives to what's most popular. The way I see it, there are three different ways to do anything worth doing. There's the popular way, i.e. Mac, Firefox, Abercrombie and Fitch, Facebook, Microsoft Word, etc. There's the less popular, sometimes better way, i.e. Windows, Google Chrome, internet, Myspace, OpenOffice, etc. And finally there's the criminally underused way, that has problems but deserves more attention than its getting, i.e. Linux, Opera, make your own damn clothes, orkut, Google Docs. I see this pattern just about everywhere, and the items in it kind of switch with the times. The Zelda series is really no stranger to this phenomenon because the only ones I ever see people talk about are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, and (my personal favorite) Wind Waker. Everyone has their favorites, but I think this way of looking at things tends to leave some very good games out in the cold.
Henry has already weighed in on Link's Awakening, which I had previously considered the best handheld Zelda, and the Oracle games for the Game Boy Color are fine games as well. The DS games are er... serviceable... I suppose... Okay those are pretty crappy. But the one game that I rarely see brought up is The Minish Cap.
Minish Cap came about near the end of Capcom's handling of the Zelda games. After bringing some fresh perspectives by way of the Oracle games as well as the Links Awakening/Four Swords remake, they settled into the Game Boy Advance and churned out this little gem, wherein Link discovers a magic hat, turns tiny, fights evil, blah, blah, blah ZELDA. What Capcom couldn't do in terms of substance (being imprisoned by the whole Zelda franchise thing), they did in style. With the move to GBA they could afford to upscale the sprites, and make them generally pretty awesome. I would go so far as to call them some of the best made sprites on the console. But, I think the reason these pretty little pixels aren't celebrated from the mountain tops are because most screens of the game look like this:

Pfft. okay, so it's a Zelda game.

But what you don't see is Marin bobbing her head to bubbly music.

D'awwwww.

The whole game is rife with neat cartoonish touches.

Good or Blog Amazing Fantastic Audio Program 6

Don't my tits look amazing?

Seriously, MS Paint is like my favorite thing. Anyways! Returning with the triumphant numerical episode structure comes Good or Blog Audio Program Episode 6! By the way, we're in a supermarket because somebody though it sounded like we were broadcasting from a supermarket. I can't imagine why. There are quite a few crazies out there.

*fanfare*

As pictured.

This week you're in for a treat as me and John conduct the first ever Bro-Op podcast while simultaneously pulling off the first official episode recorded Live at KANM, the College Station of College Station. (Listen at 1580 AM or http://kanm.org)
We talk about the new Jungle MMO handheld, Final Fantasy 14, Sad Games, my first phone call (which you can contribute to at (915)996-1048, just leave a message!), and nostalgic Tony Hawk songs. And that's just scratching the surface. So listen in, and as always we love to hear your feedback.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=P5NU97AU

By the way, because of the switch in format, this episode is quite possibly in the highest quality we've ever recorded in, and it's just one long segment. If you want the old multiple segment format in, by all means let me know.

Minecraft Review

Minecraft for PC

Minecraft is kind of a hard game to review. But, it's out there, with a 15 dollar entry fee, and I feel obligated to weigh in on its polygonal expanses. For the uninitiated, Minecraft is a first-person sandbox game almost completely without a point. Seriously. This game ain't got no point. Framed in the primary single player experience you are Block Blockington, dropped in a mysterious world where skeletons and exploding zombies rule the night. During the day you rely on just your square fists and kickass goatee to harvest materials that will let you craft tools, harvest more materials, and build. Most of that is made up because I need some kind of context or else everything seems completely inconsequential.

Is... is the whole game this dark?

And that's pretty much Minecraft's M.O. throughout. You get only what you put into it and not a single block log or block pig more. It's probably the truest to the whole "sandbox" concept I've yet to see a game get short of MS Paint or, heck, an actual sandbox. No matter what, Liberty City will always be a sprawling cityscape, Sims will always be their yammering vapid selves, and the Wasteland will always be a blasted wilderness populated by mutants. But whatever world you're randomly dropped into in Minecraft will be just a bunch of trees and a beach unless you put fist to tree and begin to make your own story (my story took a while to get started, it took me a whole hour before I realized that you need to punch trees before you start actually making progress. I know. How silly of me.).
But seriously, the whole 15 dollar package here is pretty sparse. Granted, the game is currently in Alpha, but its also been that way for months. Any instructions, goals, and stories have been generated by individuals and the community that has taken this thing and ran with it admirably.

Seriously, some of the things I've seen while researching the game are fucking magnificent.

I've never really enjoyed the sandbox style approach to video games. Partially because I see it as a lazy way to extend the length of a game (unless used well like Just Cause or Oblivion), but mostly because I tend to find the freedom paralyzing. When the given the option to do literally anything, I can't choose and end up doing nothing. Whatever this says about me as a person, it keeps me from enjoying Minecraft. Could it be that this stems from a distinct lack of imagination or patience? It's certainly better than some ADD Call of Duty regurgitation, but that's really two ends of the spectrum, either too much story or none at all. Can't there be a happy medium?
It really bothers me that the thing keeping me from enjoying Minecraft is its greatest appeal. But at the same time, it also bothers me that Minecraft isn't really more than a 3D sprite editor at the moment. I need purpose. I need goals. I need something to make me care about this or my brain writes it off as a waste of time. I like the design and I like the concept presented here, but I just can't enjoy what amounts to shifting sand in a sandbox.

But it's one hell of a sandbox.

Minecraft gets a zero out of one.

Majora's Mask

The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask – 1/1 – Henry Arrambide

I am the ocean
Lit by the flame
I am the mountain
Peace is my name
I am the river
Touched by the wind
I am the story
I never end.
  

    Majora’s Mask is quite possibly the best game ever because it, above all other games, utilizes the medium of interactive entertainment to the fullest (1) to convey a complex idea (2) that can be interpreted multiple ways (3).

The World Ends With You Rap Review

Yo. Yo. Check it.

Welllllll, my name is Sergio

That rhymes with -ergio.

Rapping ain't my normal modus operandi

But I will, just this once, cuz I'm a nice guy

You voted, and I listened

Now this is what you're gettin'

Good or Blog's first rap review

for The World Ends With You

Amazing what you can do with MS Paint these days.

Uh. Yeah. I promised I would do a poem review for the game that won the poll if I got more than ten votes. The poll closed at 10 so I wrote a normal review for the winner, Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth, but through some internet miracle, an eleventh vote registered after I posted the review. So! I'm instead reviewing the poll's runner up, The World Ends With You, and in the funky-fresh spirit of the game, I'm interpreting "poem" as "hardcore gangsta rap". I hope you enjoy, and as always, I love to hear your comments.

Blogcast Episode 5

At last we've reached the fifth episode of the Good or Blog Amazing Fantastic Audio Program. As Batman can attest to, it's quite shocking.

What are you even doing here, Batman?

So let's jump right into the segments, shall we? As always we accept all forms of criticism and maybe a few complaints if we're feeling amicable.

Segment 1 - We briefly celebrate a diminutive 5 episodes then discuss bad games we love while Sean attempts to fondle his headset to death!
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=FANHD9U4

Segment 2 - We grapple with issues like Kim Jong-il's latest betrayal, why Japan sucks, racial slurs, and underage drinking. Every now and then we talk about movies that would be great games too.
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=SORUND6I

Segment 3 - Taylor proposes his guest secret topic and we all become a little rant-y. Also watch (I mean listen, of course) as my patience succumbs to Sean's further bullshit! Finally, stay tuned for that outro, it's a killer.
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=SLR6FQ49

Segment 4 - The long awaited (by me) music segment finally comes to fruition. We got pianos, rap, imaginary guitar solos, and something that sounds a little bit like intelligent discourse. Be sure to listen after the credits for the podcast's first stinger!

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=7CIFZB4A

Ace Attorney Investigations Review

Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth for the Nintendo DS

My life, much like this site, is pretty binary. It seems like everything I encounter, parodixically enough, is either the best or worst in whatever category it belongs. I love this. I hate that. This thing is excellent. That thing is terrible. Part of why I started this site is because I wanted to see whether any game I played could be put into one of only two categories: good or blog, errr... bad.

And as if on queue, along comes Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth with not only one of the most cumbersome titles of almost any game ever (I mean, shorthandedly you could refer to others in the series as Phoenix Wright or Apollo Justice, Miles Edgeworth is just a clunky name to say out loud (go ahead try it, I won't mind) (or I guess you could just call it Ace Attorney Investigations, except that's even worse! (Also please excuse my excessive parenthesis, I guess you could say... I need parenthetical supervision))) but also by challenging this site simply by being average. Not just average but exceedingly average. I would even go so far as to call it the MOST average.

Where does the title even START!?

Heavy Rain Review - 1/1

Heavy Rain for the Playstation 3

Who could this possibly be marketed towards?

Alright Heavy Rain! This has been a long time coming, so let’s drive straight into this bit- Oh wait, before we begin why don’t you go here. Just to set the mood a bit.

Alright! Heavy Rain! The ‘Interactive Entertainment’ setting to break new ground in the world of video games. And it’s actually pretty- Oh! Wait, while we’re setting the mood, go ahead and open up this while you’re at it.

 
Alright! Everyone settled in? Well Heavy Rain, huh? Believe it or not, it’s a video game. I swear! A whole bunch of angry people on the internet will try to tell you otherwise, but then you have other angry people (not nearly as angry) trying to tell you that it’s just a video game, and this is pretty true too. Everyone knew going in that this wasn’t going to change everything about this medium overnight. In fact, I would make the argument that it pushes things away from what we want them to be. But that doesn’t make it any less great. The game is still fun and irresistibly interesting. 

 
Spanning across five characters, Heavy Rain tells the story of the Origami Killer and his latest victim Shaun Mars, the son of Ethan Mars, a man who has lost a son before. In the pursuit of the killer and the still-living Shaun, the characters encounter situations that could possibly kill them and reactively change the story. YADDA YADDA YADDA. By now, the basics of the game are pretty well known. Dying in this game doesn’t throw you back to a checkpoint or quick save, the game just keeps rolling and the plot changes accordingly. What’s is that the game really is like no other in terms of tone. No other video game has been able to replicate such a melodramatic and serious atmosphere. So, it’s a huge hit to the experience as a whole when it falls short in this regard, and it does this quite a bit.

Link's Awakening

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening - 1/1 - Henry Arrambide

 

Come away, O, human child!

To the woods and waters wild

With a fairy hand in hand,

For the world's more full of weeping  

than you can understand.

- W.B. Yeats

       What I miss the most with this new generation of hand-held gaming tech is the originality. Before the GBA hit the market with its flagship Super Mario Advance titles which were direct ports of the SNES counterparts, or the release of the DS with its total conversion of titles such as Resident Evil and Super Mario 64, developers had to get really creative due to technological limitations. Rather than Super Mario World getting a straight port, we received the Super Mario Land games - Six Golden Coins in particular took Mario straight out of any familiar element any ‘hardcore’ Nintendo fan today would recognize and placed him in a land where what Mario still did was jump; boy did those jumps get complex and fun as hell...they are lost now, drowned out by the familiar cult of Bowser and the Koopa troop - please don’t bring up New Super Mario Bros DS whose sole focus was the cutesy Mario atmosphere rather than the meat which makes the game run.

       Link’s Awakening is possibly the best 2D Zelda game and second best Zelda game (best is Majora’s Mask you see; I’ll cover it one day when you’re older). Due to handheld limitations of the time, everything clicks, everything must absolutely work. There is no dungeon consisting of point-a-to-point-b-just-keep-on-clawshotting ‘puzzles’ and there are no items as isolated to a single dungeon as the top-thingamajig from Twilight Princess. Everything in the game needed to fulfill multiple roles and be used throughout the game to optimize space on the cart - what you get is a game in which every item has a purpose on almost every screen, every screen is filled with interesting little details and secrets, and every piece of information must work towards the overall flow of the game; there is no excess, there is no fat. 

Podcast 4 Blogpost!

Hey, watch out behind you!  There is a vicious Good or Blog Amazing Fantastic Audio Program waiting to pounce!

Artist's rendition.

Episode 4 is here, and the critic agrees that it sure is sequential sounds arranged in what some may call "a fashion of sorts."  Using various rhetorical techniques such as "themes," we have lovingly crafted a podcast with some semblance of topic flow!  A startling departure from our regular MO. In this pile of verbal discharge, we discuss how we feel about things and stuff.  List of things and stuff: E3, disappointing games, surprisingly good games.

Segment 1 - Did you know that E3 just happened?  Because I didn't!  But listen as we all of us discuss waggle sticks and sequels.
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=7VOF7TUD

Segment 2 - Good games that weren't good, and the people who play them.
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ODNF60Q6

Segment 3 - In which we regale our pirate-esque metaphorical treasure discovery.
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=44HVHB7Y

Segment 4 - This segment is not yet available in your area.  But it's totally about music and how awesome it is.

Rapid Fire Review Round Up

Rapid Fire Review Round Up
Okay so Henry has been writing a bunch of reviews and making everyone else look bad. So in the spirit of camaraderie (and making him shut up) I decided to do a couple quick reviews of the last games I played.

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare for the XBOX 360

They're pretty important.

Okay, I might be a little behind on this one, but better late than never, right? It's easy to see why this game has earned so much praise (and a well-deserved sequel). If it weren't for the amount of times I died or lost I would hesitate to even call it a game. It's more like an experience, some kind of summer blockbuster action movie where it just so happens that you have all the leading roles. It has all the twists and turns of a good popcorn flick without sacrificing the depth. The game takes its time with its, frankly amazing, roller coaster ride. But the truly amazing part is how it manages all this just beneath a crisp and skillful FPS.
But easily the best parts of the game are when it slows down. The air support section could easily be mistaken for one of those military videos that leak on the internet showing real people get really killed. It's shocking really, how the most removed section of the game is the most startling. Then there's the sniping section, the stealth, the infamous nuke scene... it's all just compelling gameplay linking to excellent set piece scenarios to reward your slog through scores of troops.
My few qualms with the game come from some wonky close quarters stuff (why would you put back the knife if there's another guy right over there?) and the fact that by the end of the game, every motherfucker in the Red Army has an RPG with them. Still, it isn't enough to upset the delicate crystal clear excellence the game has formed, or to take it's rightfully earned 1 out of 1.


PathPix from the Apple App Store

Not as complicated as it looks.

I will go out on a limb and call this the best puzzle game the App Store has to offer. Nay, this is the best game the App Store has to offer. Fuck Plants vs. Zombies and it's Hipster Bullshit. For 2 bucks you get 169 nifty little colored logic puzzles that form a neat little pixelized image paired with a quote. And the higher level images are pretty well made.
The rules are easy enough to understand. If you've played sudoku or picross, any of those other cute number games for white people, this will all come easy enough. Just link pairs of colored numbers with a line that occupies the number of squares indicated by the number. The logic flows naturally from this and it just becomes second nature. I've even solved multiple puzzles in the midst of conversations with real people. Bottom line, this application is just a great way to sink some time.
Now, I tried not to over-analyze this one, but there's just so much time to think when doing some of the easier puzzles, and I've concluded that PathPix is actually a carefully laid out statement on Autotheism. That, or bears.

Lots and lots of bears.

1 out of 1.

 Click for Final Fantasy 12, Silent Hill: Shattered Memories, and more!

Contra - Hard Corps

 

             

    First of all may I point out the three gleaming guns, or the fact that the laser rifle is being held by a mini combat robot. How about the jean wearing, wraparound sunglasses adorned, arm cannon wielding wolf man. Well yes, you get to play as any one of them, and even partner up with another member for tag team annihilation. Who wouldn't want to be part of this Hard Corps team in this first non-Nintendo iteration of Contra with a lineup like that?

    Contra has always been a "man's" game full of nonsensical action, explosions, guns, aliens, and more guns and this is by far no different, but not the slightest bit held back by its reputation. It has the guns, and explosions, and my word, the amounts of explosions... and guns! Each character has their own set of weapons they prefer to choose. Ray (The Ranger Joe Bro Dude) just starts with a laser gun, and upgrades to missiles, the all powerful spread gun, and more missiles. Sheena (the only woman in the game) just loves machine guns, grenade launchers, death ray lasers, and homing shotgun spread lasers. Then that cute little robot named Browny just has a machine laser rifle, boomerang grenades, an energy electrocuting yo-yo, and a shield bubble making missile energy laser rifle thing.  Also he can fly. Not forgetting  Fang (The Wolf Man) who has bionic arms that transform into fireball machine guns, flame punches,  a flamethrower, and energy blasting punches that take out bosses in two hits. You can see why everything ends up exploding in this game already. Seeing that I had a choice between those four I quickly went for the one who forwent guns for flame and punches with nothing but jeans, a bandolier of bombs, and undeniably slick set of sunglasses.

Best decision ever.

    True to its franchise name, the game opened up with a van barreling through the streets exploding on its way. Those explosions never once stopped until the credits rolled or a stage clear screen was seen. Shoot first, explode second, no questions taken. The story was the one they are all about. Aliens were here, the last Contra man blew them all up several times over 5 years past, and now another evil doer wants to resurrect the aliens yet again. I guess they just want to be punched to death don't they? Point made short, the story is set in concrete, it's short, simple, and so very sweet for you to take your desired choice of destruction on its path. It creates a line for you to have fun with. It isn't some over dramatized soap opera with intricate stories and emotions galore. 'Here is some bad guys, here is their plan, it involves aliens; let's go kill them.' Seriously, you are briefed by some ex marine commander in four or five lines three times in the entire game taking a grand total of 39 seconds to watch it all. That's all I ever wanted, and the player does exactly that: kill everything, or die; never a second thought. So just as the story does, straight into game play.

    Holding down the fire button and bum rushing through the streets I found myself plowing throw a city of soldiers and odd robot contraptions, riding on a jet bike on the highway, running on said highway by foot room a madman in a mech suit with spiked mace balls for arms, fighting my way through a research lab of alien doom, to a junkyard taken straight out of Swat Kats fending off rouge bikers. I even found myself in the amazons literally, so true to every sense of the word, blasting back hundreds - hundreds! - of mutant imp jungle men in a wall of fiery death with my punching flames, before running into a waterfall alien and then being saved by a dinosaur. I soon ran into the man villain after beating the recurring arch nemesis at the entrance to his lair of doom. That villain wore a black cape and fly on a hover disk. So badly I needed to punch him. Then I carried on through a death pit arena of aliens, a runaway train with a robot that tries to stop it, a secret alien breeding center, riding the waves of the sea, taking a space elevator to a space station, hanging from a helicopter fighting skull plane bombers and long-shoting ninjas, to riding rockets to stop a ICBM in mid flight literally - again in every sense - filled with aliens. With all that wonderful excitement of manly brutality, I realized this game had choices you could make at various points that led to one of six endings. Six whole endings making this highly repayable as the endings are customized to the character you played as. At one point I even had the choice to join the villain in his global domination.              I even married a monkey.

You didn't think I was exaggerating were you? Also, note explosion.

    The mechanics of the game was the same as most Contra games. You had no health, just a number of lives to spare and a continue. The score was hidden off game as to not distract from your intense desire to murder everything on screen. Second player could easily sit down mid play and press start to just jump in and add to the chaos. It did however expand on a few aspects such as the ability to collect all the weapons and switch at your disposal rather than tactically choosing which weapon to replace each time you came across a weapon drop adding to the fun rather than the struggle to find that spread gun item without dying. You still lost the said weapon equipped at the moment of death. Though perhaps the best addition was the slide ability. At any moment you can slide kick into your enemies and avoid utter danger that otherwise you could not come out alive adding the intensity of the game. The actual design of the game shifted away from the level gauntlets of endless enemies and focused more on the massive amount of bosses and sub bosses each very fun to play and all very unique. At one point you are chased by a robot monstrosity in a hall, but soon you find yourself chasing it as it tries to scramble its scrap hulk away.

    This game was made in the generation known for the golden age of 2D gaming and this is a prime example. The game is just crammed full of small details you won't notice even after a few play-throughs and just looks amazing, despite being  16 years old; and it continues to age exceptionally well. The  controls are superb as well: a shoot button, D-pad, and a jump button; all you need. Except for the extremely surprising feature to switch in mid game between run-and-gun style and shoot-and-aim-while-standing. While holding the fire button down, all you have to do it hit the button next to it and you toggle control style to one where you can aim in a direction without having to move as well; absolutely perfect for all the boss fights. The game is just so well constructed, you question nothing, and do everything it wants you to, and you just like it. It's just good.

    With a very very stark contrast from my last review, we have a game here that gives the bare essentials of a story, short and solid. An extremely intense action packed, fun game full of surprises and extremely well made design. Quite the opposite of Kingsley's Adventure, but still amazingly fun. The one similarity both share is their love at what they do. If you love guns and shooting  aliens while atop helicopters with not a single tacked on thing such as a romance story or quirky mini games, then this game is your dreams. It does what it was meant to do, nothing more, and all utterly perfect.

---

    What more can I say about this game? One out of one.

 

Godspeed Contra.

Strange Journey Review - 1/1

Maturity is a strange beast. I often struggle with the concept of maturity when I'm writing reviews for video games, editing a podcast about video games, buying video games, and even playing video games. It strikes me as a little juvenile to have so much of my life revolve around a hobby that amounts to jostling plastic to manipulate electronic personae. But at the same time, it's a hobby that's important to me and hey, everyone needs a hobby, and also it's better than most of the shit that's on TV these days. Still, I'm offered a bit of comfort by the extensive community my hobby shares, as well as the video games I like to think of as “mature”, a list of which includes the likes of the Silent Hill series, Kane & Lynch, Gears of War, them Ico games, etc.
The unifying element of those titles, I've begun to notice, is a pervading sense of loss. I felt like, growing up, these games embodied something I thought was going to become more and more a part of my life. But something about Strange Journey, a video game on the Nintendo DS, lead me to conclude that maturity and being mature aren't what I thought they were.
Strange Journey is another one of those games I was so ready to like. I forget where I first heard about it, but I remember seeing the Japanese cover and hearing that the English title would be Strange Journey.

That robot just gave me a boner.

Kingsley's Adventure

    As the cover implies, you are a fox named Kingsley, and you have an adventure to do: namely, saving the fruit kingdom from a very bad cook. Before you go on thinking this game is all sorts of fruity, look at the castle on the right side. It is made of carrots. So this game is fruits and vegetables, exactly what any young aspiring gamer should eat as part of a nutritious diet, even if you are a fox with a very smug set of eyebrows.
    I came across this title on the mud pile that is /v/ under a thread entitled "Games only you played." I saw this and wondered; I'm fairly sure whoever posted this is the only person who played it. Well I intended to change that. I got my hands on this and started it up, soon to realize that this was not a very high inspiring game, it was very clear the developers understood they would not be immortalized in history for the glory that is this game. Yet that is a good thing, as through every moment I could feel that this game was made to be played, not merely to be sold.
    The game itself is very much so like any 3D Legend of Zelda, with it's dungeons, and puzzles, and swords of adventure. At the same time, it is nothing like Zelda in which this game comfortably lives within it's boundaries. It does nothing new, and it very well accepts it's technical limitations without question. It does so with dignity though, which is more than many games can claim.

There are mountains behind that shack.

    As you can see on the left we see a deformed figure in the distant blue horizon by the sea, yet as we approach said denizen of this beach, we soon come to see beyond our initial 20 foot vision (I counted actual footsteps) a pier with a shack was right behind him. Clearly (or not so as it was hard to see at first) this game suffers from a horrendous lack of draw distance. So bad, that during every boss fight, they sit well beyond your sphere of vision firing magic missile at your tail. Even so, it was quickly overlooked for the charms that I could see within my vision sphere.

Is that not the most adorable spider that still wants to kill you?

    Seriously, look at that spider with his crazy Nicholas Cage smile. Don't you just was to kick it's face? Well you do, as that is the default attack when dealing with them: kicking them clear across the room.
    The hub world consists of the Carrot Castle which you happen to live in as an orphan (every game needs a hero with no parents: see FF3, FF8, Dark Cloud 1, near any Zelda game), and take upon yourself to become a true knight and recover the magic cookbook the evil chef stole from the queen. You connect to the various places with "foxholes" found in the basement and around the garden; taking you to the seaside town to save them from an evil scurvy pirate with a cannon for a gun and retrieve the stolen Galleon with sea eels with tridents and orcas with clubs for minions, to a village ransacked by a dragon who built a conveyor belt from the town to his dinner table, then a village who thrives on root beer made by secretive monks unaware their latest batch was poisoned, to a countryside castle run by an evil wizard who stole the spiffy robes of the good wizard. As you save these lands of evil, you attain the pieces to the true knight, from armor to an axe, to a sword crafted from the dragons fork and knife, to gauntlets of power, and boots of steely spring, and finally a magic gem of shielding power. These items each help you access a special area in each of the four worlds to defeat the dark knights that inhabit them. Once each one is saved, you go straight to the evil cook/wizards lair above a floating island inside a volcano (of course right?). When the evil is slain and the book returned, all is well in the fruit kingdom as you are knighted as Sir Kingsley.
    You may ask why this game is so purely stereotypical and old. Well, it is actually, but it goes about it in such a way that no other can, with charm and mild wit. From the fruit shaped keys, to the goofy enemies, and the smug look on Kingsley's face at any given time, you can't help but love the character design.

It's called caffeine addiction Paul the creepy faced dolphin.

        

    Even if the rooms are made of less than 25 polygons and and the enemies make no sound as they shoot at you through your painfully limited vision sphere, you press on shooting back where the arrow came from and smirk as you hear their painful grunt; swinging your sword or axe and holding your shield strong in order to save the cheerful people from their generic fate.
    Even I was skeptical at first, with the odd non-camera motivated controls (pressing back makes him actually walk in a backwards fashion and dedicated shoulder buttons to help strafe), I found it cute with his little back-flips to avoid the spiders; or the very bad vision, yet colorful and well-put together character models. After a few moments I soon forgave it's limitations that only existed from the hardware it came on, and enjoyed this very "family-orientated" action adventure alternative. The developers liked what they made and didn't particularly care if it made big money.

Yes, that switch has my paw print on it, yes that key is a cherry, and yes my shield has my emblem on it. But hey, when did you last slay a dragon and forge his eating equipment into this sword or kill the bat fiend in catacombs beneath a monastery and save a village from being poisoned?

    So if you are tired of the Zelda franchise yet want your swords and adventure and can bare to tear yourself away from the shimmering glittery fanciness of current gen "grafix" with it's incessant need to have gore and maturity for it's mature gamers just to make it worthy of play, go on and play this one, it will only take about 4 hours of your time. Even if you are a fox orphan child in a fruit kingdom full of other crazy animals and their wacky stories, this game is for all ages.
    One out of one.

DooM II and friends.

DooM II - 1/1 - Henry Arrambide

NOW IN GLORIOUS EXTRA COLOR!

    Do you think that your fathers are watching? That they weigh you in their ledgerbook? Against what? There is no book and your fathers are dead in the ground. (McCarthy) All that remains are twelve shells, six shots from the double barrel. You face down a flickering hall which can only lead deeper into hell; roars of cacodaemons echo down from the void, each reverberation bearing a unique taunt. Slap those shells in the barrel and walk forth, the end is inevitable.

    Have you ever played DooM? I mean really played it; episode 1 is freeware and most people just download that for a good romp on the easiest difficulty, shooting and running around splattering shrapnel and enjoying the cartoon gore splash about. Or they pirate key wads and then download skulltag or zdoom and some (admittedly awesome) mods like true 3D total conversions and custom campaigns and enjoy an entirely different beast than what they originally downloaded. I'm not asking if you've done that - everyone downloads DooM out of novelty for temporary enjoyment or "hardcore" gamer credit in some form. I'm asking if you've played DooM.

Breath of Death VII: The Beginning

Breath of Death VII: The Beginning – 1/1 – Henry Arrambide

            Breath of Death VII: The Beginning (BoD) is a little gem I found on the Xbox Live Arcade’s “Indie games” section among such wonderful titles such as ‘Avatar Boogie’, ‘Curling 2010’, ‘Who did I date last night?’ and a multitude of zombie titles (seriously guys the novelty has worn off) (in case you can’t tell those titles in that sequence are NOT wonderful). BoD is what the indie section was made for; I would say you get more than your dollars worth out of it (OH YEAH IT’S ONLY ONE DOLLAR. BUY IT), but saying that you get your dollars worth attaches a certain deflated value to that dollar. You don’t want BoD to be some exception to the rule; you want BoD to be the standard by which the games in the indie section are measured. Seriously, why are there so many zombie games and who is buying this crap?

Amazing Fantastic Audio Program Part 3

Guess who's who.

Back again is the podcast that loves to be ignored and feeds off your apathy, The Good or Blog Amazing Fantastic Audio Program! This episode spurns the previous by not being topical in any possible way! We start out talking about speedruns, getting off topic, then we talk about XBOX Live (which was shut down a full four weeks ago), get off topic, then we move on to Anthony's brutal MGS quiz, get off topic, and wrap everything up with a discussion of the flaws and merits of Western and Japanese RPGs (after probably getting off topic somewhere in there)!

So what's new this time? Aren't we just getting off topic from different topics? Not so listener! This time we have a certain special guest star: Mr. John Stamos!

Not really.

So get downloading, get listening, and as always don't be afraid to leave a comment or send a message. It always helps to hear from the fans we don't think exist.

Segment 1 - Intro and Favorite Speedrun/Let's Play (14min 18sec)
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=6EFYTTC0

Segment 2 - XBOX Live Shutdown and Online stuffs (12min 57sec)

(also I forget to mention the intro song, but it's Peril off the Halo 2 OST Vol. 1)
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=MLZLI9FK

Segment 3 - Metal Gear quiz and the largest horse in existence (25min 34sec)
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=V9T1XJFD

Segment 4 - WRPGs vs. JRPGs, listen to it you retards (20min 41sec)
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=TWA3ADMT

Final Fantasy 6 (the jRPG Gauntlet continues!)

Final Fantasy 6 - 1/1 - Henry Arrambide

I'm going to say this once - best Final Fantasy, no nostalgia. Let's try to clear this up with something besides the usual points fanpeoples make in defense of the game.

The problem with most Square games, which was born all the way back in oh, FF4 but not really problematic until FF6 and then found economically viable with FF7, is that above all they strive to be cinematic experiences more than actual games. This isn’t a Hurrdurr interactive movie slur; if the games actually pulled off their cinematic dreams well then sure, it’d still be an interactive movie, but damn it would at least be a good interactive movie. This is a root problem because the cinematic look is strived for above everything else, and overrules every other idea within the game. RPG’s were born as a series of placeholders waiting for technology to catch up; nowadays the reason I’m still picking “attack” off of a battle menu in FF13 is because the battle system is still a placeholder which serves the cinematic look of the game. Things must look cool. A problem arises because there is no central theme or idea which the game serves, rather an idea or theme is shoddily tacked onto the game after all the concept art is drawn up, all the cool angles are figured, and the fighting system is hammered out. FF8, as stated in the previous review, is a perfect example of everything done wrong. FF10 is a close runner up though.

Final Fantasy 6 bleeds its cinematic aspirations every turn of the world map and every unfolding of plot progression. It wants so badly to rip the controller from your hands and play the game for you so that it can get you to the next overdramatic scene with hammy dialogue and go “LOOK! LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL PIXEL ART! LOOK AT THIS DETAIL! LISTEN TO HOW THE MUSIC STIRS THE MOST BASE REACTION IN TANDEM WITH THE WAY THE SPRITES ARE DIRECTED!” Yes, the game is overwrought with drama; the limited space of a Super NES cart means characters have to be direct, no meandering allowed. At this point RPG’s were still niche and expensive; I feel that there was a somewhat honest attempt to make a story here. Unlike PS1 era games with their limitless space and multiple discs and pre-rendered scenes requiring you do nothing but sit and watch, the game needed to be lean and direct with the player. Maybe that’s why actual themes and motifs are present. Hamfisted and clumsy, but present nonetheless. Final Fantasy 6 works because it doesn’t work the way Square wanted it to work.