God Hand

God Hand – 1/1 – Henry Arrambide

Closest thing you get to a screen all review.    

    The term ‘gamer’  gets thrown around quite liberally these days; plenty of people log 5+ hours a night into Bad Company 2 or whatever FPS is flavor of the month and WoW subscribers devote years of their life in much the same vein – these people are not what I would call ‘gamers’. I don’t mean that in a condescending tone, I do not wish to start a hardcore v. casual type of argument here – dealing in those terms is stupid. What I mean to say is that people who enjoy fragging bitches online are just well, average people. They aren’t striving to discover the secrets of game design or considering critical media theory whilst enjoying a round of Modern Warfare 2…they’re just doing what they like to do – socialize with friends and kill some time entertaining themselves. Very much like the people who went and saw Avatar: they enjoyed the experience and saw it multiple times, but they aren’t suddenly a film scholar who is going off to write essays about a movie they enjoyed. They may see it multiple times with friends to share the experience, but eventually Alice in Wonderland or Clash of the Titans comes along and, being flashy and entertaining, they go see that.

    

    Videogames have made a presence very similar to that of blockbuster movies – to try and label someone as a ‘gamer’ is to assume they play more than the norm and have a deep seated grasp of why they game beyond merely being entertaining. Yes, ‘gamers’ exist, but the majority of people just want to do what feels good. It’s what we do as human beings – we find out what it is we like and pursue it. Some people have a better grasp on what it is they like or why it is they like what they like (self help books call this ‘discovering yourself’), but at the end of the day if you like arm wrestling gorillas in luchador getups while being fondled under the table by a midget, well you’re going to be arm wrestling gorillas in luchador getups while being fondled under the table by a midget no matter how much arm wrestling theory and philosophy you have buried in the back of your head. By gaining knowledge in the theoretical and critical aspects of Gorilla Arm Wrestling however, you do get to refine your technique and enjoy the finer aspects of the sport – and you get to reason out why it is you enjoy what you do. Your hobby becomes a tool for self discovery.

    God Hand is THE game which measures out what kind of person you are.

Actual diet game put me on.

    God Hand is a test which does not have correct answers or even an end. It’s a tool by which you measure yourself. Being an action game with a Capcom logo on the cover, it gets compared to the likes of Devil May Cry or Ninja Gaiden, and even gets referenced in Bayonetta – God Hand is placed among the great action games. God Hand is not in the same league. Ninja Gaiden, Devil May Cry, or God of War are action games which give you rule sets (God of War’s being admittedly awful) which you must follow, learn from, and build upon. There is a sense of education in these games, they want you to learn and grow as you progress – you are rewarded with cooler enemies and cinematic events, challenged to apply those rules in new and interesting ways to solve more complex puzzles and down bigger baddies. These games can be likened to harsh teachers or friendly rivalries which lead to you improving aspects of yourself and show you great things. Were you aware that you could utterly destroy a four armed Werewolf? Or take down the Olympians? In hindsight if those had been thrown at you from the get go, you would be overwhelmed. But the games were mean to you – they wanted to make sure you understood the rules so that when the time came for the big baddies, you would be ready and ultimately enjoy the experience.

    God Hand has no rules. Literally. You have to buy each individual move and create your own combos; you make the rules, and then God Hand proceeds to try its hardest to break them.  You are thrown into a shitty rickety western town and made to fight from the get go. A demon pops out of one of the dudes you down – no explanation or visible weaknesses, it’s a fucking demon. Hope you got the gist of what you did on those first few dudes because you’re going to fucking need it. No visible check points or nicely dressed tutorials – just keep fighting. You’re going to die? Oh well, should have played better. It stays this way throughout – you just got to keep pummeling away at everything thrown at you as their health and strength keep going up.

Suggested soundtrack. Additionally: Morbid Angel - Altars of Madness, Rocky IV Soundtrack,  Transformers 1986 Movie Soundtrack, something with Ennio Morricone's name on it.

    God Hand wants you dead. It’s the bully that’s going to beat your ass on the way home from school when Mr. Ninja Gaiden isn’t looking and steal your lunch money, and it’s going to do that every day for as long as it can because you’re letting it. Can you beat that? Or will you just move away, take a different route home, go back to playing Gears of War with your friends? You can kill stuff and feel good in that game. God Hand is going to beat me up if I look at it wrong.

    I think everyone should play God Hand, at least once. You’ll learn a lot about yourself –  the game pushes you into a corner and kicks you repeatedly hoping you do something, anything. Turning it off is one solution, trudging forward and beating the shit out of everything the game throws at you is another. You’re not supposed to love God Hand in a traditional sense unless you’re a complete masochist or totally in fucking love with ironic t-shirts and probably have no real friends. I'd like to say it gets better towards the end, nicer once it realizes you're batshit insane and not giving up...but I think that was just Stockholm Syndrome setting in. The game hates you; you can either sit there and take it or make something of yourself.

God Hand can change a man, for better or worse.