Ratchet & Clank FUTURE: Tools of Destruction - Gilbert Lucero

Ratchet & Clank FUTURE:
Tools of Destruction
A review by: Gilbert Lucero

Genre: Shooty Platformer

Stance on Robot Equality: All for it

Favorite Real Life Lombax: Steve the Lombax

A new year brings new game consoles, and this year brought me a PlayStation 3 (PS3 – pronounced: psss 3). I firmly believe that it was not released prior to my owning it, and in fact I am hesitant to think that video games even ever existed before I got a hold of them. So this was quite a treat, to be able to play a brand new console that no one had ever played before. I can't tell you much about it right now, but I can tell you that the street dealer I bought it from threw in the required springs and crank for only an extra $1100!

This might just be a PS3!

The first game I tried on the amazingly futuristic technology that is the psss3, was Rortchet and Clink, it might have been called. I saw it on the shelves at a local rental factory, and right then my mind was sent back to older times, when I had played the psss2 Wrenchit and Clonk games. I, too, had shelves back then, you see. Seeing it sitting there on the shelf brought back foggy memories of joy and guns and more guns, and with my fantastically cutting-edge psss3, I could regain these moments of happiness.


I remember little about the older games, which was somewhat problematic. After pulling the psss3 lever and winding up the gearbox, I started the game and was immediately thrust into the Stitcher and Spronk universe and given absolutely no indication that I had. Sure, the characters are there, but you wonder why things are happening, or what anything is, and the game never really clarifies.

What even is any of this?

My psss3 clanged and buckled through cutscene after cutscene, and after each one I thought 'why is this happening' and the game metaphorically flipped me off and said 'just do it bitch'. This wasn't a welcome sentiment since it first does it literally, and with more condescending adjectives (it's a secret cutscene, you'll probably never find it). But I figured why not, so I did all the stuff, and I got all these guns to do it, so there was really no reason not to.

Speaking of guns: GUUUNS. Guns are the only important thing, and this also true in the game. There is a story, kind of, with a little bit of conflict, maybe, the platforming is fun, though not the best, and it's funny, I would say if pressed, but all of that exists for the sole reason of rationalizing GUNS. This was true of the psss2 games (probably?), and the trend continues to the astonishingly new-fangled psss3.

Guns in the game and parts of my psss3.

However, the guns were a bit lackluster this time around. The entire game franchise is known for its guns, and I feel this game didn't quite deliver. There were a few interesting ones, such as the one that shoots tornadoes, and the gun that is actually not a gun because its more of a robot companion who loves murder, but the other guns are less inspired, though varied enough to keep things interesting. There are also about three different ways to level up each gun, which struck me as a bit superfluous.

In fact, the whole leveling process seemed unnecessary. You level up at the exact same rate as your enemies, the increased amount of bolts and RARITANIUM (the moneys of the game) you get as the game goes on directly corresponds with the cost of new guns, and what this adds up to is exactly the same amount of difficulty at any point of the game, that difficulty being 'aggressively easy'. Maybe that's the point; if your guns get stronger faster than the enemies do, the game becomes too easy, and if they level up slower, then there's no satisfaction gained from higher levels. But it felt as if the folks at Insomniac only implemented the level system for the sake of BIG NUMBERS, because BIG NUMBERS mean MORE FUN, in what experts call The Reverse Mathematics Theorem.

The most fun.

But fuck that stuff. The ridiculous Dorsket and Crank universe is worth ignoring what really amounts to minor gripes. I had quick, easy fun* that kept me occupied for a good few days (all the way up until my psss3 snapped in two and became a toaster), but since it was only a few days, it's worth a rent, or at least a buy that costs as much as renting it.

A PS3?!

Glosket and Chank gets 1 “I really thought Lombaxes were real”s out of 1.

*That's what she said.